Tuning Out to Check In

How are you right now, at this moment? If you’re a new mum like me (and even if you’re not!) this simple question can be difficult to answer. For many, the birth of their little one brings heightened awareness of the need for care. Friends might drop off cooked meals, partners might be more attentive. The simple act of being asked, how are you? can leave you feeling connected to yourself and those around you like never before.

But as time goes on and the baby grows, those well-meant check-ins might happen less regularly as the assumption is that you’re getting used to your new role as Mother. And as your baby grows and needs more attention, it can feel difficult to navigate the multilayered, often conflicting emotions that can spring from seemingly nowhere - even if you were skilled at self-connection beforehand.

When you’re unable to be with yourself in any situation, it can pull you out of connection, leaving you feeling isolated and lost. The practices you might have turned to before like going to your favourite yoga class or taking a long soak can feel impossible. And when disconnection to those around you happens, it can get in the way of any kind of intimacy, whether it’s alone or with others.

A simple but powerful practice to help with this is the Tune in/Check in Fembodiment™ practice to bring you back into the body and out of the mind. For many mums, it can feel impossible to have one hundred percent awareness of ourselves anymore, even when we’re alone or without our children. And depending on your little one, life might feel noisy and chaotic. Being able to practice quietening down is the first step to rebuilding connection with your inner world enough to be able to answer that question of how are you?

Slow yourself down with breath and ask yourself; How are you feeling right now physically? Are you carrying tension or pain in your body? Does your tummy hurt, are your breasts sore? Being able to identify where your body is at gives you a foundation in knowing what attention this part or parts of your body might need.

How are you feeling emotionally? Which emotion can you feel? And what is just underneath that? One of the things motherhood teaches us is that emotions can be in real conflict and two things can be true at the same time. You might want to snuggle your baby all day long, but also crave alone time like never before.

And then ask yourself how are you feeling energetically? Do you feel open or contracted? Which sensations can you feel? Being in constant proximity to another person can make it hard to know where you end, and they begin.

Motherhood changes us on a physical, emotional, and energetic level and the beauty of this simple practice is that it can be done anywhere, in as much time as you have. It’s simple, but at a time of life when emotions are heightened, mental load is increased and nervous system capacity can feel stretched, being asked how you are - even if it's by yourself - can make all the difference.

Remember always that nothing in life is permanent. You can be different in any moment of your day when you offer yourself this authentic self-care practice.  

Natalie Martin is an Author, Menstrual Cycle & Life Coach and recently she became a first-time mum to her beautiful son. She is also a Certified Level-1 Year-1 Fembodiment™ Method Facilitator and a guest blogger at The Fembodiment™ Institute.