Recently I was thinking about the journey towards embodied agency, especially around touch, and how this is a vital part of reclaiming our full sense of self. Here’s my thoughts on this important topic.
Understanding embodied agency is the ability to recognise and act on our inner "yes" or "no." It’s about allowing our bodies to lead us into spaces that feel safe, nourishing, and true to ourselves. For many, societal conditioning around politeness, caretaking, and the internalised pressure to avoid “making a scene” can dull our ability to set boundaries, especially when it comes to physical touch.
This isn’t just about "learning" to say no, this is about relearning our relationship with our body so that we trust it to lead us toward choices that protect and honour our whole self. Our boundaries should be fluid yet firm, moving with the situation but always anchored in our core values and needs.
Unwanted touch isn’t always invasive; it can be subtle. It can be the touch on a shoulder, a hand lingering too long, or a hug we didn’t ask for. When something doesn’t feel right, it’s easy to think, “It’s just a small thing,” or “I shouldn’t make a big deal of it.” But our bodies know better. You might feel tension, withdrawal, or even numbness.
By listening to these signals, you’re honouring your body’s wisdom. Embodied agency asks us to tune into these sensations and recognise them as part of our personal guidance system. These small whispers from our bodies hold the keys to reconnecting with our authentic selves and reclaiming the agency that allows us to fully and joyfully integrate our lives.
Tools for Reclaiming Agency in the Moment
Pause and Breathe
When you sense a boundary is about to be crossed or has been crossed, start with a pause. This doesn’t have to be obvious, it’s about anchoring yourself, grounding back into your body, and allowing yourself to feel what’s happening without judgment. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What do I need right now to feel safe?”
Engage in Self-Touch
A beautiful Fembodiment™️ practice I often facilitate with my clients is conscious self-touch as a way to reset boundaries. Rest a hand over your heart or hold your own hands as a way to anchor and soothe yourself. This can remind you of your body’s autonomy and reinforce your sense of agency.
Practice Your Healthy Boundaries
Practice saying “no,” “not right now,” or “I’m uncomfortable with that.” These phrases are gifts to yourself. Practising with a trusted friend or in front of a mirror can help make these words more accessible when you need them most. With time, they become natural extensions of your embodied agency, a language that communicates your needs to the world.
Redirect and Reclaim Your Space
Sometimes, rather than a hard “no,” it’s helpful to redirect or reposition yourself. You could take a step back, turn slightly, or engage with someone else to shift the dynamic. Movement, even subtle, is a powerful practice for reclaiming your space and expressing your boundaries without words in a more somatic way.
Remember, reclaiming agency over your body and boundaries is a journey, and each step you take is an act of self-honouring. Whether it’s establishing a small boundary or learning to fully embody “no,” each choice reaffirms your connection to yourself.
Embodied agency is your birthright, and every time you step into it, you reclaim parts of yourself that may have been left behind in moments of doubt, confusion, or discomfort. Be patient, be kind, and let each experience bring you closer to the wholeness of who you are.
Nicci Jaggard - Fembodiment™ Facilitator
Read more about how we can work together at: thefembodimentinstitute.com/work-with-nicci
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